I woke this morning for another “Dark n’ Early” man-group/bible study. My home is the host for this weekly gathering, so I wake up beforehand to prepare coffee. As it approached the start time and then passed it, I sensed that this was going to be one of those mornings where I was the only man at man-group. So, my next thought was, “Well, you can go back to bed,” and I got a little excited about that.

Then it occurred to me: If I come into each day, meeting or moment expecting human, then I’m drastically missing out on something. As it turns out, I have the opportunity to meet with God.

This realization struck me. It made me wonder how many interactions I’ve gone into, only expecting a natural outcome, when, all the while, I have access to the supernatural. I have an open-door policy with the King of heaven and earth. He invites me in as a child, an heir and a friend.

So the proceeding question is: do I love the Lord? Does my heart look forward to meeting with Him. As selfish as it sounds, do I ask enough of Him or expect Him to show up? Honestly, I may ask a lot of Him (but probably more similar to the Genie in Aladdin; or a message in a bottle, drifting off to sea, perhaps stumbling upon an available soul on some distant shore), and even have some blind faith in Him; but I can’t say that I live with expectancy. To live with expectancy toward meeting with the Lord in the morning, or in prayer, is to fall further in love with Him. Because, when my expectations are met, it enhances the trust and adoration I have within me toward that which I have put faith in. This is what I mean, when I ask myself whether I truly love the Lord or not.

A growing desire of mine is to live in intimacy with the Lord; to sense His step before mine and to hear his voice when I am quiet, to know the heartbeat of his will, to laugh in private times of joy with Him, to be unshaken in the face of terror. I’m saddened to admit how little of my life truly reflects these proofs of intimacy. What I’m lead to mourn even more is that in the bride of Christ, I’m not alone. I grew up hearing “it’s about a relationship with God”, yet never seeing it in context; at most, it seemed we were acquaintances or maybe “pen-pals with God.” I’m certainly not alone in seeing this, and there are many that have come before me and who currently seek His face (just search “bridegroom of Christ” or “IHOP” for a few examples). This just happens to be another eye-opening morning, learning that I am broken and imperfect, but being made holy.