Emotional Discipline Archives - To Live As Christ

Who Knows You?

February 8, 2012 by brianmichaelsteck Leave a Comment

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A terrifying question that my wife will ask me from time to time is this: “Who really knows you right now?”

It’s terrifying because the answer is often “Well, no one, really.” Why do we run from and avoid intimacy and vulnerability? As children, we put up defensive walls to protect ourselves from that which scares us or has the potential to harm us. But as adults, we tend to keep those walls up — especially in the Church, as there remains the stigma that “we must keep it together”.

Over the last years, it seems to me that there is an awakening, where people are beginning to acknowledge their limits and humanity, and step into a realistic and humble view of themselves. It’s not prevalent in all circles, but it seems to be growing in acceptance — it’s okay to be known. And we all want to be known and real, right? For most of us, we’ve spent too many years faking it and endured too many surface-level conversations. It’s time for a change.

So what’s the change in your life? If you were asked that question, “Who really knows you?”, what would your answer be?

Two men biking side by side. — Don't Go It Alone

If you’re walking through life alone, ask God to provide you a confidant. A Nathan (2 Samuel). “A friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

Then take a risk and share something personal. A fear. A joy. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge what is really going on. I pray you will be pleasantly surprised on this new journey of knowing and being known.

PS- Those of you who are married may count your spouse as your only necessary confidant, and I encourage you to be authentic and communicate well with him/her, but there is something about rubbing shoulders and sharing with someone who is the same gender as you… guys just understand guys better, and likewise, ladies understand ladies (clearly, men don’t 😉 ).

Dark Night of the Soul

February 6, 2012 by brianmichaelsteck Leave a Comment

I’m currently reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero and he is describing the season that (I feel) my wife and I have been going through. It’s something I’ve heard of, but not known much about, and it’s called “the dark night of the soul”. He describes that there are times when we must go through pain and challenge, especially that which comes from a prolonged season of purposelessness and not hearing from God. In the end, the dark night of the soul is a refining period. But it’s really hard to see that in the midst of the pain, grief and loss.

He referred to Gerald Sittser from the book A Grace Disquised, reflecting on the loss of his mother, wife and young daughter in a horrific car accident like this:

The quickest way to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west chasing after it, but to head east into the darkness until you finally reach the sunrise.

The idea that it is healthier (I daresay not easier) to confront our troubles, challenges, pain and loss head-on is unnatural, but this quote gives me hope and the fact that I’m not the only one to have experienced this season of the dark night, is oddly comforting.

Travel onward into darkness, my fellow pilgrim, and may the light of dawn meet you soon enough.

Discipline towards goals leads to life change and success

November 18, 2011 by brianmichaelsteck Leave a Comment

I’ve been on a journey over the last years, learning about discipline; spiritual discipline, physical discipline, emotional discipline and mental discipline. In no way have I come to fully understand or even utter the word “master” regarding these disciplines, although I have learned much and am still learning much.

Regular, even gentle, steady pressure, exerted over time will result in dramatic, powerful and lasting change that could not be accomplished with even extreme force otherwise.

Spiritual Discipline
Through regular times of meditation and prayer, not trying to move mountains or discover some unearthed truth, I have encountered God in ways that are precious and dear to me; ways that no super-stadium worship service or Martin Luther King style speech could. Small, simple times of hiding away with the Lord are one of the many ways to know Him, but a very effective way indeed.

Physical Discipline
I’m no Sylvester Stallone or Tony Horton in the gym, but I have found that regular, short periods of physical exertion produce satisfying results. Two or three easy runs a week and several pushups and sit-ups a night have restored my body to feeling strong and healthy.

Relational Discipline
Life is full of events, meetings and responsibilities to uphold, so I’m well aware of how key relationships
in my life can fall by the wayside as other urgent priorities strip away my time from truly important priorities. A weekly breakfast with my wife draws us back to intimacy and keeps us on the same page. Scheduling one short hang-out time per week with a close friend or relative does something for my soul that nourishes like nothing else can. And when I die (which is eminent, though I’d like to think myself invincible) I won’t be wondering on my death-bed whether my business plans succeeded, but instead whether my siblings, parents, wife and friends know that they are loved.

Mental Discipline
Learning is a joy to me, though I am often condemned by the fact that I have not completed my bachelor’s degree. So scheduling short 45-minute study breaks in my day to learn something new or finish one more class towards my degree is both rewarding and inspiring. With the pressures of work and providing, learning can take the back seat, but if I intend to grow and succeed, I cannot neglect mental discipline. I welcome any who read this to hold me accountable in this area, and will celebrate with you when that degree is completed.

The reason these things are so key in my life is because I am no hero, no great leader and no prodigy. I’m a simple man with blatant weaknesses and areas of necessary growth. So only by regular and small effort can I have any hope of seeing great life-change and success in my life.

In closing, may I urge you to take a step towards increased discipline in one area of your life? Where can you add a gentle but steady goal-oriented pressure in your life? How have you seen this already play out in your story?

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Who Knows You?

Dark Night of the Soul

Discipline towards goals leads to life change and success