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Love and Surrender – Learning to be wrong

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“As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died.” -Acts 7:59-60 NLT

This passage just grabbed me today. Stephen gave this incredible recounting of Jewish history, summarizing that they had continually rejected God and, in fact, killed the very hero of the story. So, like children, they cover their ears to avoid hearing the truth and stone him to death.

 
Why this hit me
For one, I’m like the Jews. My selfish desires are constantly crying out to defend my “right” and feed my needs. When I hear convicting truth, I turn my eyes away and cover my ears, too. No one likes to be told their wrong or that they can’t do what they want — I know that I don’t. So, the hardest part of this passage is that I’m standing among the crowd, throwing stones at a messenger of truth.

It’s easy to think I’m excused from this crowd — but then comes tax-season, a police officer asking “Do you know how fast you were going?” or the driver’s facility wanting to know your height and weight (And ladies, com’n, be honest. We all know that they weren’t asking for your “ideal weight” :)) — and you’re confronted with that moment of truth. It’s in that moment of internal conflict that we decide to either defend the lie or surrender. And unfortunately, the more often I defend the lie, the easier it becomes.

 
Who I want to be
I'm Number 1My blaming finger is big. It’s like one of those giant foam fingers at a sporting event. Only, instead of “We’re #1” it reads “You’re #2”. I mean, as long as at the end of the game, I’m right and you’re wrong, I think I’ve won. And this is only intensified when I feel I am wrongfully accused. I start thinking bad things about my accusers.

So, looking at Stephen’s response, I’m blown away. I’m utterly dumfounded and mesmerized by this type of grace.

I want so badly to be able to sit under the raining blows of accusation and be able to say, “I don’t hold it against you and nor should anyone else.” I mean, this is just unfathomable.

Of course Christ demonstrated this time and time again. He called out to the accusing mob that the blameless accuser should throw the first stone, then when they all dropped their stones, hung their heads and walked away, he lifted the guilty woman to her feet and forgave her. As His captors beat, spat, crucified and pierced Him, this man, Jesus, said, “Forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

And in honesty, I am so far from this. (Just ask my wife about how I drive when the car in the left lane refuses to pass the car on the right. It’s as if they’ve delivered a personal attack on me and my inherent right to pass them.)

 
Learning to be wrong
So much of my life, when it comes down to it, is about surrender. Most things that God speaks to me are pointing me to give up something that I want or forgive someone that I’d rather not. And I’m not sure if there are any quick fixes for this.

My only hope is that in quiet moments like this, I can ask God to prepare my heart, and in heated moments where my selfishness starts burning up inside of me, I can see Stephen in my mind — kneeling and wishing blessings for his persecutors.

“God, I really, really, really like to be right. And it is not fun to give up my first place position in my mind. But Lord, you ultimately get the glory when I can surrender and seek to love those who are against me — and I want you to get the glory. So teach me to be second. Teach me to love and surrender. (And please go easy on me, ’cause I’m really bad at this.)”

Kneeling at the cross

My recent journey in character development

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We have only to sit more continually at the foot of the cross to be less troubled with our doubts and woes. We have but to see His sorrows, and our sorrows we shall be ashamed to mention.” – C.H. Spurgeon

This morning I’m convicted by Charles Spurgeon’s writings as I’ve spent the last week or so wrestling in my heart and my mind about an issue we are having with the apartment complex we are living at. We’ve decided to take a position with a full-time leadership and discipleship ministry, which requires us to move and break our lease. Because of this, the complex wants to charge us over one thousand dollars as an early move-out penalty.

While this is difficult to swallow for anyone, I’ve really noticed my frugality coming through and it has been killing me. I find myself waking up thinking about it or briefly pausing throughout the day to dream up some circumstance where we wouldn’t owe the money. The real character barometer has been those moments when I catch myself conjuring up ways to cheat the system or retaliate against the apartment complex for their unwillingness to show grace.

I spoke with the company and fervently pleaded my case, sometimes with teary eyes, only to be defeated and told that there was no way to change the circumstances: I had signed the contract and I must pay the penalty.

Learning from my failures
This experience has brought me face-to-face with my idolatry of money. In the grand scheme of life, a thousand dollars is really not much. But to me, in this instance, it felt like the world was crashing down — and I realized that my view of money had become paramount to other virtues and I had momentarily lost my eternity-based perspective on life. True, I am called to be a steward of my resources, so there was legitimate pain there, but if I live with the perspective that Christ is King of all heavenly and earthly resources, then this situation should not have troubled me as it did.

I also learned from this experience that my encounter with grace has jaded me. The undeserved, and unending grace that has been shown to me by Christ has led me to expect similar grace from the world; and that simply is not going to happen. While God may freely bestow forgiveness and continual pursuit of a relationship with me, the world is still mastered by “the prince of the air” (Satan), which is constantly seeking my destruction and demise. Yet, what Satan intends for my downfall, God has redesigned for my sanctification and ultimately His glory. So while, the situation is frustrating and defeating, it opens my eyes to appreciate even more the grace of God.

My hunch is that the Holy Spirit is going to continue to teach me from this event, but for now, the last piece I want to share about my learnings is about faith. A very large part of me was hoping for a rescue of biblical-proportions. I kept picturing God fighting for Israel and the various ways that he led them into battle and fought for them; I saw moonlit images in my mind of the Israelite army encircling the enemy camp from the surrounding hills, shouting and hurling clay jars, only to watch the enemy, confused by the army of God, destroy themselves in a midnight massacre. I wanted to see God come through for me, and not have to even draw my sword.

So far, that hasn’t happened. And that’s difficult to take in. It challenges my faith and requires that I lean into Him even more and trust that He knows what is best. I am humbled and even feel defeated. But in my doubt and weakness, I hear the Lord’s voice beckoning me to draw near and rest in Him. His “rescue” may not look like I’d like it to. He may need to first rescue me from myself and my corrupted heart. And so in this moment of challenge, I surrender, yet again and raise the white flag to Him. Because, while my selfishness wants to take charge, the Holy Spirit reminds me that God is ultimately and eternally in control. He is the beginning and end and His plans will ALWAYS be better than mine.

Kneeling at the cross“Lord, in this moment, help me come to the foot of Your cross and regain perspective. I want to meditate on the sacrifice You made and the endless grace You impart to me. Forgive my disbelief and my idolatry. Have Your way and have the glory, even if it causes me pain. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. You are my one true love. Thank you for this opportunity to know You and Your love more deeply. You are precious to me, my Lord. Thank you.”

Beware of Falling Millstones

Spiritual vs Temporal and the Problem of Suffering

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Suffering is a HUGE topic and is not and cannot be covered fully in a single post. Please excuse the brevity as this is meant to be only a passing glance at the topic.

About this time Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee as they were offering sacrifices at the Temple. ‘Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than all the people from Galilee?‘ Jesus asked. ‘Is that why they suffered? Not at all! And you will perish, too unless you repent of your sins and turn to God. And what about the eighteen people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jeruselem? No, and I tell you again that unless you repent, you will perish too.” -Jesus, Luke 13:1-5

I read that passage this morning, and couldn’t remember anyone ever teaching on it. It really struck me for some reason and I couldn’t put my head around it.

Wesley’s Explanatory Notes on the passage help shed some light. The passage, while addressing suffering and justice, are actually a “type” or symbolism for what was about to come. Wesley draws out the conclusion that the Galileans killed while offering sacrifices at the Temple are a foretelling of Christ, and soon his disciples as well, being killed while celebrating the passover.

He goes on to share that the eighteen people killed when the tower fell on them, is likened to the 600,000 people who were murdered, shipped off to the gladiatorial games and Roman mines when the city of Jerusalem was besieged and the temple was destroyed in 70 A.D.

What does this mean?
Now, I hear that and, maybe because I’m slow at the uptake, am still unsure of how to apply this. What is the take-away?

Some say that every sickness, downturn in the economy, personal or national attack is a reflection of our due penalty for sin. Those people who say this will stub their toe and figure that it is because of their disobedience. I disagree.

While there are times when God clearly administers justice, even to the people he loves (Read just about anything in the old testament and you will see the interaction between the LORD and Israel demonstrates this over and over), there are also certain aspects, universal laws, that God established which we encounter; Some as a result of the fall, and some as part of being finite humans.

Beware of Falling Millstones
Beware of Falling Millstones

To further argue this case, I am reminded of a Jewish law that establishes certain cities of refuge for murderers to run to when they unintentionally killed someone – the example given of a worker who accidentally drops a millstone on someone’s head. To protect the clumsy worker from the angry family of the unfortunate millstone victim, Mr. Butterfingers would be sent to the town of refuge until an allotted amount of time had passed. God clearly understands that, although the consequence (death) is serious, it was clearly an accident and not a spiritual exercise in justice because the dead guy had it coming to him.

Basically, when it comes down to it, I don’t believe that every action and reaction is spiritual.

That said, I think Jesus is trying to get across a point here. There are physical repercussions. There are spiritual repercussions. You must discern which are which. But unlike the physical, which we tend to give more importance, the spiritual always supersedes the temporal and requires our critical attention.

Take a look at the healings Jesus administered. He always took care of the physical body, but so often it was only as evidence for the spiritual healing which had already occurred. Jesus was and is ultimately concerned about the spiritual.

In our eyes, the physical takes precedence over the spiritual because it’s what we touch, taste, hear and see.

But because we haven’t learned to see with spiritual eyes, we are limited in our understanding and unable to grasp the dire need of the internal and eternal. Instead we devote all our time and energy to the external, temporal and ultimately futile.

Not to steer anyone back to the days of self-flagellating monks who believed that anything physical was bad. But I do hope to draw out of this passage the reality that the spiritual is king to the physical.

A word on suffering
My last point that I want to make is in regards to suffering in particular. Without an proper understanding of the spiritual, we will see the pain and turmoil of this present age and say, “Where is God? What kind of loving father could let his children suffer?”

But I encourage you to seek the heart of the Father. Look at how Christ mourns over Lazereth, even before Christ raises him from the grave (John 11). Look at the LORD’s long-suffering and enduring grace shown to the Israelites throughout the old testament.

There are times of pain and very often there are no obvious reasons for them. Especially when we are in the midst of the situation, it is virtually impossible to see and understand “why”. Our prerogative is to mourn with those who mourn, to rejoice with those who rejoice and ultimately seek to give God the glory.

God knows your pain before you know it, does not leave you when you’re in it and does not forget about it or get tired of you, even when others have.